Before anything else
Answer these apart, then swap
Not together and not out loud. There is a reason, and it is not drama.
Why separately
Honeymoon planning happens in the middle of wedding planning, when both of you have spent months being accommodating about seating plans and flowers and somebody’s aunt. "Whatever you’d like" has become automatic by then, and it produces itineraries nobody actually chose.
Written down alone, people answer differently. That is the whole trick.
The six questions
- Early starts. On a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 is "wake me for every drive" and 5 is "I would like to see one sunrise this trip".
- Moving. Between "I would rather see more of the country" and "every move costs me a day", where are you?
- Other people. Between "meeting people is part of a holiday" and "I would rather it were just us" — where are you actually, not where do you think you should be?
- Comfort. Rank these: the bed, the bathroom, the food, the view, the guide, the wildlife, the quiet.
- Money. Two numbers: what you think this should cost, and what you would be uncomfortable exceeding.
- The one thing. Something you want from this trip that you have not said out loud.
Then compare
Most couples agree on four and differ on two. Nobody we have spoken to has agreed on all six, and we would be slightly suspicious of a couple who did.
What the answers usually are
On the sixth question, in our experience, the unsaid thing is almost always one of five: "I want one day where we do nothing", "I want to see a leopard", "I do not want to be in a small plane", "I want at least one genuinely good dinner", or "I want to sleep".
All five are easy to build around. None of them is easy to guess.
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